From the Pastor to His People

09-10-2023Weekly ReflectionFr. Bing Colasito

Today, Jesus gives us guidelines on when to keep silent and when to talk, especially when doing fraternal correction. We cannot remain quiet to play safe and pretend to keep the peace when we really care for the souls of others who are treading the wrong path. But also, we cannot be too loud, vocal, and imprudent with our observations and opinions to the point of being insensitive, offensive, and hurtful. In every fraternal correction, the emphasis is the concern, the love, and the mercy for the other.

For Marriage Encounter weekend, fighting and arguing is a form of communication guided by helpful conflict management rules. Although appropriate for couples, these guidelines apply also to conflict situations outside marriage. Fraternal correction, if done correctly and with genuine concern for others is an effective instrument in healing wounded relationships, especially when Jesus is put in the midst of the conflict.

1. No Name calling When someone wrongs us, we intentionally call them names rather than their baptismal names. We usually do this behind their backs or with friends who might share the same feeling or most likely side with us. Jesus tells us in the Gospel that if someone wrongs you, go and talk to the person, but keep it between the two of you.

2. Stick to the Subject, No Bringing of Past History The rule of thumb: anything that happened 24 hours ago is irrelevant. Focus on the issue at hand. The past no longer exists, the future is a mystery, and the moment is a gift. That is why it is called Present.

3. No Third Party Especially for couples, it should be between the two people concerned. Never bring our family into the conflict; You are like your mother, father, sibling, or best friend. The only reason for a third party is to allow the presence of Jesus, who says: Where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I in their midst.

4. No Hitting Below the Belt Often, couples and friends know what hurts. We know our boundaries but choose to go below to hurt the other. Or because we cannot find so much fault in the other or attack the person directly, we attack the other’s family, culture, tradition, or values.

5. Do Not Lose Our Sense of Humor We should not take ourselves too seriously. Try to stick to the issues or things that irritate or argue about eventually, we find them insignificant, and so we laugh. It’s as ridiculous as firing a canon at a fly.

6. Hold Hands It is difficult to hate and despise another person when holding hands. Holding hands prevents us from throwing hurtful words toward the other person in conflict.

7. Always FORGIVE is probably the primary rule in conflict management. To err is human; to forgive is divine. Jesus says; Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

Remember the wisdom of St. Augustine: In esentialibus unitas, in opinabilibus libertas, in omnibus caritas. In essentials, UNITY; in matters of opinion, DIVERSITY; in all things, CHARITY.